C-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e

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Happy Christmas Eve!

I think this is what Tim's shopping cart looked like yesterday because it looks like a chocolate factory exploded in our kitchen last night.

I got home late after some last minute Christmas shopping.  Tim and the kids had been in a chocolate dipping mood and were finishing up some gifts for neighbors and friends.  (Thank you, by the way.)

Here are a few of the things that I found dipped in chocolate:  pretzels, Oreos, piroulines, cinnamon bears (a 5 lb. bag!)...

And a few of the stranger items... marshmallows (I had one, they're not too bad), and fig newtons.  Yes, fig newtons dipped in chocolate.  In our kitchen.  While they were gifting things to neighbors...  I was scared.

This morning I mentioned the chocolate party in the kitchen while Tim was leaving to work.  Knowing I probably saw the fig newtons, he said,  "The fig newtons didn't work out.  We didn't give those to the neighbors."  (Whew!)

I also heard something about chocolate dipped spicy Cheetos...?  

Can we all just agree that some things shouldn't be dipped in chocolate?  

This post will one day be known as "The Chocolate Explosion of 2013".  

Stay tuned.  If you're nice we'll give you chocolate dipped bacon in 2014.  : )

The Ugly Trauma Monster

I hate how I feel right now.  Is there a rewind button?  Because just a few hours ago we were making treats to deliver to neighbors, and now I feel helpless and alone.  The longer we live with trauma in our family's history, the more I hate it, because in an instant it can turn a perfectly good evening like this evening into a frozen ball of emotions.

This evening the kids were in a car accident.  Tim and I were here at home with Joie (who was sick).  We were cleaning the kitchen while the rest of the gang delivered Christmas treats to neighbors.  Nate was driving, and didn't anticipate the ice on a hill in our neighborhood.  As they came down the hill and tried to turn into our neighborhood, the car slid into a fire hydrant.  They hit hard enough that their seat belts locked up.  (It just occurred to me right now that they were wearing seat belts.  Thank you, kids, for listening.)  The accident wasn't horrible, and everyone is ok, so why do we all feel this way?  I wasn't even there, but watching them react has me feeling shaken up as well.

When the kids first got home, Tim and I didn't know what happened.  We were just finishing up in the kitchen and Megan and Gabby came in and sat down at the island.  Tim and I continued talking, but after a minute I noticed that Megan and Gabby were quiet and Nate and Jeran weren't in the house yet.  I looked at Megan and she was staring off into the distance.  I asked what was wrong.  Silence.  I asked again, and asked, "Where are the boys?"  Gabby answered. "Nate and Jeran are outside looking at Nate's car."  Megan hadn't moved, her eyes still fixed on some distant point in space while her mind was a thousand miles away from our conversation.  A little at a time it came out that they were in an accident, but it was hard to get the details.  The control freak mom in me started to push Megan to respond but she didn't.  Instead she stood up and ran downstairs.

Tim and I are good non-reactors (most of the time).  It comes with living with five teenagers.  As Nate and Jeran came in, and the story started to unfold, we were just glad everyone was ok.

Or at least kind of ok.  Does fine on the outside and injured on the inside count as ok?

It was that not-so-ok energy I was picking up on and it was the huge emotions swirling beneath the surface that I recognized and wanted to push away, but couldn't.

Nate was very quiet, which is what he does when he's overwhelmed.  Jeran was talking a lot, which is what he does when he's overwhelmed.  And Megan...  She was still downstairs in her room.  Tim went outside with Nate to look at his car.  I went find Megan.

She was laying on her bed with the lights off, and her beanie hat pulled over her eyes.  She wouldn't let me coax her to open her eyes.  She wouldn't talk.  She was frozen.  When I finally got her to sit up and open her eyes, she let me walk her through a few grounding exercises.  (Sometimes being a therapist does come in handy.)

She relaxed a little, but it only lasted for a minute before she flopped back on the bed and pulled her hat back over her eyes.  "We slid," I heard her say.  There was no emotion.  Her voice was flat and and seemed disconnected.

I was rubbing her head.  "That sounds scary," I said, "Just sliding down the hill."  

She was frozen again and just repeated herself. "We slid," she said.

Eventually she let me coax her upstairs where she sat again at the island with Gabby.  I wanted to keep her talking about what happened, so I asked what they were doing before they slid.  Megan didn't know.

"We were listening to music," Gabby answered.

"O yeah," Megan remembered.

"What were you listening to?"  I asked, still trying to get Megan to talk a little more about  it.

Gabby knew.  She named the song, and said she remembered because they were talking about how they didn't like the singer's voice.  Megan hadn't remembered that before Gabby reminded her.

I watched the differences in their responses, Gabby so relaxed and talking about it like she talks about a day at school.  Megan was still frozen, trying to connect herself to what had happened, but still in shock.  Gabby knows trauma, but not this trauma...the helpless feeling of life ending in a split second car accident.

Nate was in his room, alone.  Tim had been with him and rubbed his shoulders and talked to him, but Nate hadn't responded much.  I also gave it a try.  Nate was laying on his bed playing his DS.  I tried to talk to him for a few minutes, but he didn't respond much.  I told him I'd check back again in a few minutes.  I feel so helpless.

By the time I left Nate's room, I felt the anger and fear of grief and trauma building up inside me.  I went in another room to find ribbon to put on more plates of treats for neighbors, but I couldn't find the ribbon and I couldn't concentrate long enough to think about where it might be.  I started to cry.  Alone in a closet full of storage bins, tears flowed down my cheeks, and the helplessness I was feeling sank in.  Like so many times before, I sat with my children and instinctively talked them through the reactions that had them all stuck.  And like so many times before, when things slowed down, the emotions of watching my children struggle through trauma symptoms finally hit me.

I hate trauma.  I really, really, really hate trauma.  I hate that 6+ years after the trauma, one fender bender on a snowy cold afternoon can put us all back here.  Frozen.  Emotional.  Shut down.  When will this all end?  When will a slippery skid into a fire hydrant be just that?  When will these tears not be for the losses our family has suffered?

A few hours later:  The trauma is still here, but we got through it, at least enough.  Now the monster feels a little more like this:

Sad.  Exhausted.  Defeated.  No longer attacking, but still a monster.  I still hate him.  

Tim found me earlier when I was trying to type out my frustrations about trauma and I cried to him.  We hate trauma together.  

"I thought it would all go away after a few months, or even a year," he said.  

"Me too."  I said.  

We talked some more, then we went downstairs together to see how Nate was doing.  He was still on his bed, playing his DS.  He didn't say a lot at first, but Tim hugged him and told him he loved him and knew this was hard.

I remembered that all of the kids had said one thing:  They were skidding sideways into the fire hydrant, and could see it coming at the side of the car, and Nate turned the car so they drove front first into the fire hydrant instead.  

"How did you turn the car?" I asked him.  He wasn't sure what I was talking about until I told him what the others had said.  

Still playing his DS, he said, "I did what Dad said to do.  I turned into the skid."  

And there it was.  That one thing we needed...he needed... to know the helplessness they felt might not have been helplessness after all.  In that moment where it mattered, where the others in the car saw the fire hydrant coming at them, he remembered what he had been taught and did what he could to keep himself and them safe.

"But it still wasn't enough," Nate said.  "I couldn't stop it from happening."  

The Ugly Trauma Monster was back.  For a minute, I had hoped that helplessness wouldn't win, but it still had a grip on my son.

I tried again.  "But somehow you remembered what dad told you," I said.  Then I told him that in all the time I've been driving, whenever there is a moment of panic, I don't think.  I get through it, but I don't think, and later I have no idea what I did or how I got through it.  "You did exactly what you were supposed to do."  I told him, "And it sounds like everyone felt safer because of what you did."  

I could feel the Ugly Trauma Monster shrink back again.  He still wanted to be ugly, but he looked pretty ridiculous.  

By the time we all went to bed, the score for the day was:

Ugly Trauma Monster:  1
Jarman Family:  1

It's not a great ending.  We wish we didn't have an Ugly Trauma Monster to fight.  We wish he'd go away and leave us alone.  In reality, we know he'll shrink back into his corner for a while, and lurk there for a few weeks, popping up when we feel helpless, but otherwise leaving us alone.

I'm thankful Joie wasn't in the car, and tonight she was pretty oblivious to all the goings on, absorbed in "It's A Wonderful Life."  (Which most of the time it is.)

Now go away, Ugly Trauma Monster.  We have a life to live.  Disneyland is calling...  We'll be there in 4 days, away from the snow and ice, soaking up the fun in 70+ degree weather.

Life goes on.

This story will one day be known as, "Kicking The Ugly Trauma Monster To the Curb."  

The Occasional Update (AKA Christmas Letter)

Yesterday I blogged about Gabby's gotcha day.  Today I sent out Christmas cards.  With social media being what it is, I've abandoned the idea of a letter with Christmas cards, and for the past several years have just included the url to our family blog.  This year I wrote:  occasionally updated blog (followed by the url).   I do realize that with as little as I've blogged this year, it was going to take a Christmas Letter-type post to make this a step above a completely abandoned blog.  With that in mind, here is our "occasional update."

Nate:  Listen people... I'm having an aging crisis!  My curly haired, blue eyed, dimpled little boy will be 18 in five months!  I'm trying hard not to panic, but I swear he was two years old just yesterday, then I blinked and now he's almost 18.

So what are his plans post high school?  Trust me...  I'm dying to know right along with the rest of you.  Nate's a pretty private kid, and right now he's keeping us all in the dark.  Will it be military?  LDS Mission?  Work?  School?  Stay tuned...

Meanwhile, we're loving the time we have left with this guy.

Like most moms, I feel like I was blessed to be able to rub shoulders with some of God's finest beings when I became a mom, and certainly I feel that way about Nate.  He's stepped up a lot this year to help out.  He's loyal and patient during times when I need inspiration to be loyal and patient myself.  He's observant and kind when I need to be reminded that noticing more of the whole picture usually leads to kindness.

He also works hard (on everything but his family job and room).  Two weeks after starting a job at a fast food place, he heard about another job working for an automotive shop.  Besides having to repeat the interview process, there was nothing bad about the new job, so he took it.  Now he works, does cross country and wrestling, and goes to school.  He was able to fit work release into his school schedule, which has helped a lot.

Sadly, Nate spent a lot of this past year in a knee brace and on crutches.  He ended up having knee surgery in the spring, but this past month, he's been sporting a brace again on the opposite knee.  This time it's "just a sprain," but it's kept him out of wrestling so far this season.  Tonight after practice he was icing both knees.  I'm not a trainer or sports medicine doctor, but I think that's not a good sign...

Last winter...  My thought, "I did not just see my son walk through the door on crutches..."

Sleeping it off after surgery...  So much for the funny youtube video version of waking up.
He was really pretty ordinary.

And a few other Nathan highlights:

Triple Eagle Court of Honor...
Nate, Jeran, and their cousin, Sam, were all awarded their Eagles on the same night.
(Also pictured, proud grandparents and several of the other Jarman uncles who also have their Eagles)

Youth Conference 2013
...Because it was fun!  I know, because I was there.  Tim and I were in charge of planning.

Hiking in Moab over Thanksgiving
(Check out the knee brace.) 

The Thanksgiving pie that didn't turn out quite right...
Perfect pie-in-the-face moment.
You should have seen Becky (my sister) when he gifted the pie back to her...

In a nutshell, Nate is humor and calm, steadiness and determination.  He's a great kind of energy to have at the beginning of this pack of teens.  He's also sensitive and aware...a great older brother.  For Christmas this year we've decided to do a family trip...one last hurrah with Nate.  We're going to Disneyland and Seaworld because Gabby has never been, and we'll do Universal Studios while we're there also, because none of us have been there.

Nate would probably rather do 50 things ahead of choosing a Disneyland vacation for one of his last family memories, but he gets that Gabby is dying to go to Disneyland.  I can't explain it, but there is something really amazing about Nate's relationship with Gabby.  He calls her "Giblet," and "Little Giblet," and even when she really, really messes up (like reading his texts to a girl and telling mom and dad), he did nothing...  Not a thing.  And remember, Nate is a pretty private guy.  (For the record, there is nothing wrong with Nate texting a girl unless you're 12 and you think there is something wrong with Nate texting a girl...  The way Gabby approached us, I was sure Nate had done something serious enough to land him in prison.)  Nate will miss Giblet a lot next year, and for sure she'll miss him!

Megan:  This girl needs a pause button, and I'm sure there are days she wishes for one also.  How we ever passed the one-activity-at-a-time rule, I'll never know, but right now she's playing basketball and indoor soccer.  She tried out for a premier team last spring, and amidst a ton of soccer drama, she kept her eye on her own goal, and made the team.  She committed then to the indoor season which started as soon as her school soccer season ended, but basketball started at the same time, and of course it's just one more night, and one more game, and one more set of shoes, and one more uniform...  Just one more everything, right?  It's not much...

But enough small talk.  Let's just jump to the biggest news of the entire year...  Megan's high school soccer team took state!  

Megan's Rio Tinto Stadium moment!
(She's #10 in the center)

Team being awarded the state trophy

And some post-season fun at the awards banquet:

Things got a little messy when the girls went after the coaches with whipped cream and silly string

Then one of Megan's coaches wanted to give her a hug...

Megan, you know you want a hug!

Come on, don't be shy...

Ahhhhh....  Warm and fuzzy

But there is so much more to this story, and of course if there's a story I have to tell it.

During the beginning of high school playoff season, Megan also made the injury list with a sprained ankle.  The timing was horrible.  It was the beginning of playoffs, and she wanted to play.  Instead she sat out...

In a rare blogging history moment, I actually blogged about something this year when it happened.(See here for proof)  "Sit out for a few days," she was told.  So she did, but her ankle was still swollen and hurting the next week, so with tape and a brace she played again.  

And again, and again, and again...  She wasn't practicing at all to save her ankle for the games, and this little starter charter school team that hadn't had much of a season found their groove and kept winning.

So Megan kept playing.  At some point during the playoffs, Megan's grade one sprain became a grade two sprain, and she started seeing a physical therapist three times a week.  She pushed herself, and worked hard, and was on crutches after almost every game, but thankfully all the treatments and exercise kept her playing, and she played hard...all game, every game.  (And of course I kept telling the trainer and physical therapist to tell me if they thought the risk of playing would cause permanent damage later on, but they were always confident that with the right amount of tape and the right kind of brace she could keep going.)

We could see that amazing Megan speed drop off during games when she was hurting, but she always kept going.  Then during the semi-finals game, she almost went down.  I could see her struggle to stay on her feet, and thought she'd sit out, but she limped it off and kept going.  It's moments like that through the entire playoff process that made the mom in me want to cry and cheer for her all at the same time.  I'm always inspired by my children when I see them dig down deep and find strength they didn't know they had.  

At the end of the semi-final game, in a moment of excitement, Megan forgot she was injured.  She jumped up in the air and came down on her ankle and instantly went to the ground in pain.  All the emotion and pain caught up with her and she was crying as team mates helped her off the field.  She couldn't put weight on her ankle as we walked her to the car.  

The state finals game at Rio Tinto stadium was the next day and Megan was determined to play.  We drove to the physical therapy office, but they had just closed.   Nothing seemed broken and after she got some ibuprofen in her, she could put weight on it.  That night a friend's mom did some energy healing and we massaged her foot and ankle with essential oils, and got her as ready as we could to play the next day.

Megan played hard.  She didn't have her usual speed, but we could see how time after time she played smart and was always where she needed to be.  Then at some point toward the last third of the game, Megan went in for the ball and her ankle got kicked again.  We saw her stumble and try to keep going, but she couldn't do it and she stumbled again and went down.  My heart was breaking for her and when the trainers went onto the field, I knew she was hurting.  It was so difficult to be in the stands and not be able to do anything...definitely not your average high school game!  She was helped from the field, and at that point, we were sure she was finished playing.  Her team was ahead by one, and they just had to keep the lead to win so things were still looking good.

We couldn't see the activity on the bench from where we were in the stands, but about 10 minutes after she went out, we saw Megan running the sideline with the trainers.  Really?  She was going back in?  Megan told us later that she told the trainers she wanted to be on the field when her team won state, so once again, they taped her and tightened up her brace and let her test it out.  A few minutes later she was back in the game.  

(A little history here...  Megan has played keeper for the last 3 years, but is also fast and wanted to try playing field, so she's played forward on her competitive team and defense on her high school team.)  As it turned out, when she went back in the game after being injured, she had one of those game changing moments where her years as keeper and her position as a defender came together with perfect timing and position when she ran into the box to help out the keeper.  She blocked what easily could have been a game tying goal.  Talk about ultimate victory, and the entire team earned it.  

There's a saying about opportunity being that moment when training and hard work come together...  This was that moment, not just for Megan, but for her team.  They were a start up team who lost most of their field from the previous season to a new school that was built in the area.  They struggled through the season, and were written off by a lot of other teams before playoffs even started.  They lost their first playoff game to the team they beat in the state final match, a team that held the title for 5 out of 7 of the previous years.  After that first game, they just kept winning.  Most of the time they just wanted it more than the other teams they played, and built cohesion that allowed them to do what they needed to do to win!

Megan is all kinds of awesome...  And I'm going to get all kinds of grief for writing more about her than anyone else, but how often does an injured sophomore varsity player get an experience like winning a state title?  This one definitely makes our ten best list for the year.  

I'll also just add that Megan is as awesome at the game of life as she is at soccer.  If she weren't, the titles and trophies wouldn't matter.  My personal favorite example of her awesomeness happened just last month while we were in Moab for Thanksgiving.  We were there with my family...my siblings and their kids.  Cousin time is always a big deal when our kids are together with extended family, and this was no different.  

At one point we had all driven up to a place called Hurrah Pass, and were hiking around.  Megan motioned for me to go off with her around the back side of a huge rock plateau, and for about 30 minutes, we hiked farther and farther around the rock, and saw more and more of our amazing view as we went.  I was oohing and awing over the views, and chatting about how amazing it all was.  As we went along we were both taking pictures and Megan was getting excited about her camera.  She had earned almost $600.00 this past year to buy a really nice camera Moab was the perfect place to dive into her passion of capturing the beauty through her lens.  (She also took the family pictures on the sidebar of the blog.)  At one point, I was still chatting about all the incredible beauty around us, and Megan put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom, shhhhhhhh....  Just listen."   I stopped talking and the silence was as beautiful as the view.  As we stood there together, taking it all in, I remember thinking it was one of those moments that would stay in my mind forever.  Our youth theme for our church this year is "Stand ye in holy places and be not moved..."  Megan is creating the slideshow for the youth in our ward about their experiences this year, and had this theme on her mind.  I love that she made me stand still long enough to share that with her.  Since then, on busy days, I can hear Megan saying, "Mom, shhhhhhhhh... Just listen."  

Stand ye in holy places

Then when we had enough quiet, we took feet pictures and laughed a little.

Look close and you can see her ankle brace.
She got to start basketball the Monday after Moab.

Jeran:  If I'm not careful, this could turn into a bad case of middle child gets the shortest paragraph...  But honestly?  Jeran makes it hard to forget him or write him out of anything.  I can see this being shorter though, because I updated Jeran's latest and greatest moment recently when I blogged about his high school play.   The first day he came home with the script and the part of the romantic lead in the play, he said, "It says in here I have to kiss her."  Of course he was as happy about that as he was nervous, but the high school theater teacher wrote that part out of the play.  (So I guess that part about not being able to write him out of anything might not actually be true, not to mention the fact that I don't think I'm ready to see Jeran kiss a girl.)  

Then there was the triple Eagle Court of Honor that I posted about when I wrote about Nate above...  (Sorry Jeran, you really are getting the shortest paragraph, but you get extra points for being the youngest of the three receiving awards.)  

Jeran's project also wins for creative use of resources to do something incredible.  Tim's woodshop/garage became an assembly line for bird houses that Jeran donated to Primary Children's Medical Center for children to paint during long hospitalizations.  

Eagle's Nest reciting scout oath

Ok--  I'm done kidding about the middle child getting left out of the blog.  Jeran is incredible.  He constantly pushes himself to do and be and learn.  I struggle to keep up!   He has some pretty high expectations of life and family, and sometimes it makes me nervous to be his mom.  Other days I find myself saying, "I'm the mom.  You're the kid."  (Apparently, I'm not quite convincing enough because he's still auditioning for my role.)  

Example of learning and dedication:  He's been teaching himself guitar and piano, and doing a pretty decent job of both.  He and Nate both did NYLT (national boy scout leadership training) but like everything, Jeran took his commitment very seriously.  There is no half way with this guy.  

And he's forever the entertainer.  He sees an opportunity to play a role or create humor in almost everything...  When he was pre-school age our pediatrician commented that Jeran would be the next Jim Carrey.  I kind of hope not, because we don't want to share him with the world, but I'm always reminded that someone else noticed the entertainer trait also, even when he was very young.

applying make up as part of the post family pictures show

Add a flower and you have...   Yeah, Tim looks worried.  

Hummer Safari, Moab
Jeran saw the camera in my hand and tried to get everyone else to pose like prairie dogs behind the seat.
Apparently, he needs to work on his director skills.

I'm calling this one, "When boys decorate."
This is at my office and Jeran had been waiting a little too long for me to finish.

Jeran is also an awesome brother...

Hanging out at the park and gave Gabby his coat because she was cold.

Carrying Megan down a mountain when her ankle hurt

Goofing off with Joie...these two are theater geeks together!

He finds things in common with everyone in the family and is intentional about connections.  He bonds with Nate over just being brothers...it's a guy thing that none of the rest of us get.  He bonds with Megan because they've always been "JeranandMegan" (said really fast like it's all one word).  Their pseudo twin bond is strong.  He bonds with Joie over all things Dr. Who and all things geek. (And I mean that in a non-nerdy geek kind of way.)  With Gabby, he takes care of her, and takes time to explain things.  He's also one of her go-to siblings when it comes to homework.

Jeran will also be our next driver...  Watch out...brake, gas, brake, gas, brake, gas...  Drive, reverse, drive, reverse, drive, reverse...  He'll get it right soon enough.  

I also found this picture of him after a play he was in last spring...  

The Importance of Being Earnest (after the play)

Add to all of that straight A's, Honor Society, and always finding a way to earn money...  He also mimics the therapist me really well and I love our car rides together and the discussions we have.

Joie:  We wrote an entire blog post about her 15 minutes of fame this past summer.  This girl thinks big, all day, every day, and she circled the world with Random Acts of Kindness.  She was on the local news, then was picked up on a few national spots.  Things don't get her down, at least not for long.  She's also a brainiac, which makes her a brainiac that thinks big.  Help us!  (Or maybe we'll just be thankful that school and good grades come easily to her.)  She's also a sensitive friend who tunes into others' needs. Her life experience has fine tuned her ability to pick up on signals there are changes or problems looming in friendships, and she doesn't like drama.

She's a pro at babysitting, and gets asked to babysit frequently.  

And when Megan's new camera lens needs a model, Joie obliges...

And more...

And every girl needs to get in touch with their inner mermaid...

Bear Lake
Youth Conference 2013

Also, you won't be around Joie for long without her starting a conversation about Dr. Who.  Her fantasy is to fly away in a Tardis, and she has a thing for guys in bow ties.  (One of her recent crushes was another guy who also likes Dr. Who, and wears bow ties.)

And her voice!  Here's a sample:

Amazing, right?  As she gets older, her voice reminds me a lot of her mom's voice, which always throws me off a little.  I'm glad she loves to sing!

Gabby:  She actually started this whole blogging update with her very own gotcha day blog post, so go check it out if you missed it.  She had her very first babysitting job tonight, and when she got home she said, "It is hard to get those girls to do their chores!"  (Insert parental laughter here.)  Gabby said at least she's not that bad because they're little.  You're right, Gabby.  Teenagers are so much more willing to listen...  (Insert more parental laughter.)  

And the crazy parents:  I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.  Ask anyone who has seen us walk through this past year.  Crazy doesn't begin to describe the life we're living.  Most days I look at my kids and think, "How do they do it?"  I'm supposed to be guiding them, but they're my teachers.  Then I always think maybe that's the way God actually intended it.  This past year I've started calling myself the Mormon Buddhist.  To be honest, eastern traditions are a lot like Christian beliefs, but I love focusing on mindfulness and being present.  I've started saying, "Where ever you are, be all there."  And I'm not sure if it's a Buddhist idea or one that grew out of my own desperation to find meaning in my chaos, but I also find myself focusing a lot on being perfect at being imperfect.  Maybe that's what has me focusing on the gifts my children bring into our lives...persistence, patience, love, compassion, humor, resilience, forgiveness, hope, courage, having fun, noticing needs...  With that in mine, the idea of getting things wrong more than we get things right isn't as scary because we're fostering a life where living in a real way is it's own reward.  I know I'm no longer making sense, but they're my thoughts.

So is anyone still reading?  If so, we send you our love and are glad you're a part of our world!

This blog will one day be known as The Longest Christmas Letter In the World.  I'm thinking of applying to Guinness.

Gotcha!

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It's late, but there is one more hour left in this gotcha day, so I can still say today is officially Gabby's gotcha day.  I don't have words for the gratitude in my heart.  Somehow through a thousand twists and turns, and a real-life series of unfortunate events, this amazing girl landed in our lives.  We love, love, love, love, love her.  To the moon and back.  Across a thousand oceans.  More than we could ever say.  I think of all the possibilities of life paths intersecting, and a girl from India to Utah via Nebraska doesn't seem all that likely.  How on earth did we get so lucky to share Gabby's life?  And three years later, I can't begin to imagine life without her.

Thank you, Gabby for being who you are.  Thank you for living a resilient life.  Thank you for your happy, outgoing, friendly nature.  Thank you for your energy!  Thank you for your inquisitive nature.  Thank you for walking a brave path.  Thank you for the inspiration you are to all of us.  Thank you for your honesty.  Thank you for your ready-to-forgive heart.  Thank you for the life and light you bring into our home.  There is a light in you that will never be dimmed.  You are an amazing girl and we are blessed to be among the lucky ones to share your path in this life.

And since I blog so rarely, I'm feeling the need for a Gabby update!

• She's officially 5'2", and as tall as I am.  (And no, I'm not shrinking.)  
• Gabby calls herself my Jillian Michaels.  If she is with me, I can't buy candy and she wants to run with me so she can push me farther.  So far, I've managed to keep her out of my workout routine.  (Everyone needs a little alone time, right?)
• Gabby is no longer a vegetarian.  Aside from eating a few select items of carefully disguised meat, she previously thought it was all disgusting.  At a church girls camp last summer she ate bacon.  She came home and told me she now "learned to like meat," then added, "But it has to be bacon."  Then a few weeks ago she pulled off an all-time big move into the meat eater world and ate half of a huge steak from Grandpa Campbell's farm.  Don't you think that officially disqualifies her as a vegetarian?  (She still doesn't eat pepperoni, but let's face it...that's not really meat.)
• Gabby is an athlete.  She is also brave.  This past fall she told me she wanted to try out for the junior high volleyball team.  I asked her if she knew what volleyball was.  She said, "No, but I want to try out."  I asked her if she knew the rules or how to play, and again she said no, but she had some friends trying out, and wanted to try out.  I tried to picture myself at her age, and knew you probably couldn't have paid me to walk into a gym full of strangers in a new school and try out for a sport I'd never played before.  Gabby not only made the team, she was one of the stronger players on the team, and played almost the entire game, every game.  She was one of the team captains, and by the end of the season, she had perfected a nice overhand serve.  Add an amazing soccer season, tae kwon do, and a 5k to that and you get Gabby's year in sports.  

• Gabby started a new school in the fall.  She's in 6th grade and starting jr. high, so she transferred to Summit Academy, a charter school where the other kids have gone.  She kept telling me she was scared she wouldn't make friends, and I wanted to say, "Hello, Gabby!  Have you met yourself?"  Of course she's a natural friend, and she isn't afraid to stand up to kids that are bullies.  Everyone is her friend (except the bullies).  : )
• Academically, Gabby has taken off this year.  Three years ago she tested at a first grade level in reading, math, writing, and science.  She started tutoring a year ago to build foundation skills because she was a great learner, but was still doing a lot of compensating to make up for what she had missed.  Earlier this spring, she tested at a 4.5 grade level (about half way through a 4th grade level).  A few months ago, she tested at a 5.5 to 6th grade level.  (Testing was completed through the tutoring program, and through the charter school, which had higher grade level requirements than what the elementary school had required.)  We told her she completed 6 grades in 3 years.  She is very determined to succeed academically.  She's a self starter.  I rarely have to ask her about homework, or check to see if she's doing it.  She does it on her own every day and asks for help if she's struggling.  I'm so proud of her.
• And did I mention that Gabby is just an all-around good person?  Everyone she meets loves her instantly.  If you walk away from her without a smile on your face, you've missed something amazing.  

A few more pictures, just because...

12th b-day breakfast...cinnamon rolls before she left for girls camp.
I love how she's looking at me to see if I'm taking the picture before she blows out the candles.  : )

Practicing the fine art of selfies with Megan

Young Women's conference in Salt Lake City earlier this spring.

Egypt project

Thanksgiving in Moab...Joie, Gabby, Megan, Jeran

Gabby and cousins

Hummer Safari in Moab.  It was cold, and Gabby was sick that day.  She was a real trooper.

All seven of us at the end of the ride overlooking the Green River

Gabby girl, we love you.  How we ever got so lucky in this life, I'll never know, but I thank God every day for you.  What would our lives and family be without you?

This story will one day be known as Gotcha Gabby Girl.  It may also be known as Moms With Bragging Rights.