Earlier today, Tim was looking for a book. The following conversation ensued between Tim and Gabby:
Gabby: What book?
Tim: The Book of Life
Gabby: Oh. (pause) You have one of those?
Tim: Yes, I do.
Gabby: Can I have one?
Tim: Nope. It's only for me.
(So until further notice, apparently only the parents are allowed to access the secret Book of Life, and Gabby will be anxiously anticipating the day she gets to have her own book.
What we don't tell them is there is no book. No manual. No instructions. Instead, we pretend we know what we're doing.
So how did we end up with five teens five years apart? It's called a huge lack of family planning. We've explained many times that in our family, our adoptions were our unplanned pregnancies. Literally, on two separate occasions, we said yes to adding children to our family with less than a week or two preparation each time. (See more about our adoption story here.)
And yet at some point back when we were adding to our family through adoption, we failed to do the math projections forward into the teen years. In the past few years, we're getting a closer look at what that spreadsheet actually looks like. Here's the best equation I could come up with: 5 teens in 5 years = sky high grocery budgets, sports fees, program fees, driver's permits, driver's licenses, insurance for teen drivers, outgrown clothing and athletic gear, late nights, a house full of teen friends (which leads to more unlimited food consumption), and two very burned out happy parents.
Really. We wouldn't trade it for the world, even on the worst days. You know those moments of joy in parenting that make it all worth it? The other math equation no one told us about back when we were flying by faith in our family planning was this: 1 huge success > 100 sleepless nights and failed attempts at whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. Then this equation: 1 huge success x 5 = joy that you can only imagine if you've been a parent, the kind of joy that zeros out the balance of all those sleepless nights and failed attempts.
So how do we do it? We pretend. We make it up as we go along. (Don't tell them.) We use a lot of clueless parenting and creative parenting. I remember hearing in church a long time ago that the best gift you can give your children is imperfect parents. I hope so. Time will tell...
Meanwhile, we've figured out how budget friendly a movie theater popcorn popper and some flavored popcorn seasoning can be when we're feeding the house full of friends, and the fire pit and a bag of marshmallows, some chocolate, and graham crackers are always a hit. That math equation looks something like this: 1 popcorn popper + an unlimited supply of popcorn kernels and seasonings + fire, fresh air, and a few sugar-laden treats = tons of basement and backyard laughter.
We've also learned how not to worry about what we don't know because we know that God does know. We've learned that before these amazing kiddos were ours, they were God's and he knows them better than we do, and certainly better than they know themselves, and when we think things are out of control, He's aware of our needs, and theirs. The math equation for this part of our lives looks something like this: days of effort, teaching, love, and encouragement + days of prayer, faith, and sometimes a lot of tears = letting go and letting God open doors we didn't even know were there.
Of course since this is still a work in progress, we're all still learning. I won't post any links to posts about teenagers, because I guarantee almost every post in here is about teenagers. Please laugh with us when you can, and support us when you can't, because we're all just doing the best we can.
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