Fresh Air

Warning:  Kind of long...  That's what happens when I play catch-up and try to link 15 stories together as one story.  And I'm not even going to apologize for rambling or jumping all over the emotional map because it's what's in me right now.  Read on

I'm calling Random Acts of Kindness our breath of fresh air, because our summer was otherwise kind of a stagnant blur.  It was hikes and bike rides and camping trips that never happened.  It was barbecues and family gatherings and celebrations that we missed.  It was a would-be vacation that wasn't.  It was challenges we didn't ask for and couldn't have imagined.  I remember waking up one day early in June after sending Nate and Jeran off to Silver Moccasin camp somewhere in Wyoming, and sending Megan off to basketball camp in Colorado, thinking I felt like planting flowers and a garden.  I went to bed that night with news that felt like someone dropping a rock on my stomach.  The flowers?  I found them a few weeks ago when I finally decided to face the overgrown parts of my yard.  The flowers that weren't dead had been faithfully watered by hopeful kids who wanted every day for tomorrow to be the day that we planted the flowers...  Next year, kids.

We did, however, manage to plant a garden.  (Zucchini anyone?)  And we woke up every day and lived every day as it came, with all that it brought into our lives and family.  I found myself being thankful for the every-day things that you just can't replace:  the humor of my pack of teens, kind friends who listened when I needed to talk, and didn't judge when I needed to vent or shed tears.  I was thankful my kids had a neighborhood gang to keep them busy, and church camps, sports, and activities to distract them from the fact that this wasn't the summer we had planned.  There was also Youth Conference which came with what I thought was horrible timing (the end of June, right when I was most overwhelmed) but ended up being perfect timing, and just the thing our family needed right then.  Tim and I were in charge of the planning, and we almost gave it up, but didn't.  In the end, we got to see the hand of God working in our lives and the lives of our children right when we needed it most.

More about all of that later (which is code for maybe I won't ever get around to it, but at least I thought about it).

On to Random Acts of Kindness.  What I was trying to say with the above explanation is how much we needed Random Acts of Kindness this summer.

Enter DJ...Joie...joie de vivre.  Could we ever have known six years ago that she would be what she is today?  I can only imagine the life ahead for her.  She thinks big and keeps going, no matter what.  Six years ago, when it seemed that all was lost, we couldn't have known that the gift of this one little girl would show so many people that life goes on, and there can be hope and healing from tragedy.

Rewinding a bit:  Last winter, as part of a class assignment, Joie wrote a letter to KSL (local news station), sharing her story and inviting them to do a follow up story about her so that people could see that "even though bad things happen to you, you can still have a good life."  It was not part of the assignment to send the letter, just to write it, but of course Joie had other plans.  When my children were younger, I heard another mom say that she didn't want to be the person who killed her children's dreams with her own self-limiting reality.  I try to remember that.  Of course back then I didn't know God was going to send such big thinkers to our family.  I ended up telling Joie I'd help her look up the address.

Months went by.  I didn't look up the address.  She asked again.  I told her we should look up the news story that KSL did at the time of the accident and see who the reporters were so she could send it to them.

I didn't look it up.

August was getting closer.  Joie had success with her first year of taking Random Acts of Kindness to social media and wanted to do the same thing again, but had a huge goal of getting over 3,000 likes this year.  (Huge sigh again...  Sometimes that's all a parent of a girl who thinks big can do.)

A little more than a week before Random Acts of Kindness day Joie reminded me again.  Not wanting to break a promise, I looked up the information she needed, found an email address of one of the reporters from the story, and Joie sent her email.  I followed up with my own email giving permission...  It was a huge news week.  There were a lot of fires in Utah.  Maybe they'd be too busy...

Nope.

Not even a few minutes after I hit send, my phone rang.  It was Sandra Yi from KSL, calling us back to set up a time to come interview Joie.  Our house was under a layer of drywall dust from some painting and repair work we were doing.  I mentioned the drywall dust to Sandra Yi.  (Isn't it funny what we think and say during those kind of big moments when we're nervous?  I think I was secretly hoping she'd say, "Oh.  Drywall dust?  Never mind.  We can't film at your house.")

So the next morning Sandra Yi and a cameraman showed up to film Joie.  And me.  And our drywall dust.  Nate was conveniently working.  (He has my love of publicity.)  Megan had a mandatory soccer practice.  Joie was wonderful.  She responded to questions candidly and gracefully.  Even the hard questions.

Next it was my turn.  As soon as the camera was pointed at me, I got the worst case of cotton mouth mankind has ever known.  My tongue was sticking to my mouth and even though I could think of answers, it was all I could do to get the words out of my mouth.  Thankfully they didn't show much of me.  I'm not sure what it is about me and nerves and cameras...  I stand up in front of groups of people professionally and do presentations, and actually enjoy it, but point a camera at my face and I'll freeze.  (See the archived, non-video version of the story here.  HLN (part of CNN) also picked up her story.)

Yes, Joie reached her goal.  The event page now has over 4,000 likes and the official Random Acts of Kindness page has almost 2,000 likes.  I think she passed 3,000.  She has big plans for next year.  Ellen...  Oprah...  And we got a message on the page earlier this month from another national talk show.  (Regardless of what it means in French, to me, joie de vivre means push mom out of her comfort zone.  She also wants me to take tae kwon do with her.)

So what do cotton mouth, tae kwon do, and life outside the comfort zone have to do with fresh air?

Nothing, really.  But kindness is it's own breath of fresh air, and focusing outward and being aware of kindness helped us shift our burdened perspective a little.  If you want to shed a few tears, turn off the news of government shut downs (which hits us hard because Tim is among the over 80,000 furloughed federal employees) and go here and here to read the responses of people who shared their acts of kindness.  It's a breath of fresh air.  Really.

The other unexpected part of Random Acts of Kindness was the attention focused more personally on Joie during RAK.  I get that "unexpected" isn't quite the right word...  After all, over the past year, I've noticed how nice the young grocery checkers and baggers are to me when my girls are with me, when just a few years ago I was only receiving the obligatory hello from the same checkers and baggers.  They're beautiful girls.  But I'm also a protective mom, and when middle-aged men start trying to friend my daughter on Facebook, I'm going to say no.  Joie's polite no went something like:  My parents only let me be friends on Facebook with people I know in real life.  If you want to follow what I'm doing, I'll post updates on our Random Acts of Kindness page.

Other messages were from people who Joie had known six years ago, before the deaths of her parents and sister.

We were also contacted by Wes Thompson, a Utah man, who refurbishes computers for Ukrainian orphans and children in foster care here in Utah.  With money he has raised for those projects, he was also able to purchase two Android tablets to donate to children in foster care here in Utah.  He contacted Joie to see if she wanted to help in delivering the tablets to the children in foster care.  Of course she did.

We also received a message on the page from Hank Smith, an LDS youth speaker, also from Utah.  He asked if he could send Joie a cd.  He included the link to his page, but I didn't take time to click on it and even though we had watched a Hank Smith video in FHE a few months earlier, it didn't click that this Hank Smith was any different than the other people contacting Joie after the news story.  I was in Mama Bear mode, giving similar responses to everyone asking for an address, etc.  I just sent off a quick reply saying he could send it to my work address, while helping Joie write a nice reply to strangers who were trying to friend her on Facebook...

Several weeks ago, this came in the mail to my office:

I forgot for a minute that someone had asked if they could send a cd until I read the note.  Then the pieces started to come together...  Hank Smith...  Oh yeah...  Not exactly your average middle aged Facebook stalker. 

When Joie went back to school the week after RAK, she impressed me with her friend wisdom.  She said there were kids who weren't her friend last year who were introducing her to their parents and other kids as "my friend, Joie, who was on the news."  She said she thought, "Wait... If you weren't my friend last year..."  

Smart girl. 

To everyone who participated, again we say:

This story will one day be known as Joie Rocks The World With Kindness.  Or it may also be known as The Story We Haven't Yet Heard The End Of...  Because kindness is like that...it ripples and spreads and doesn't have an end.

Joie, thank you for being you.

(For more on Joie's story, go to our pre-teen family blog, Genuinely Jarman.)

Just Say No

(Back story:  Last year it was the coolest thing ever for the boys in 5th grade to torture the girls in 5th grade by asking them to be their girlfriend.  Gabby kept talking about what torture this was, and how it was ruining recess and perfectly good recess basketball and soccer matches, so I told her if a boy asks her to be his girlfriend and she says, "no," I would buy her a bag of spicy Cheetos, which are her favorite snack in the whole world.)

Fast forward to 6th grade:

Yesterday I was shopping with Gabby.  We were talking and shopping at the same time (because females are multi-tasking wizards like that).

She was telling me about friends and school and who likes whom, etc.  Then this part of the conversation ensued:

Gabby:  Do I still get chips if I say no to a boy?

Me:  (Puzzled look followed by that moment of recognition)  Oh yeah...the chips.  Wait...  Who did you say no to?

Gabby:  No one, mom.  But if someone asked me and I said no, would I get a bag of spicy Cheetos?

Me:  Sure.  I'd love to buy you a bag of spicy Cheetos if you say no to a boy.

(Silence for a moment or two...)

Me:  So which boy do you think is going to ask you...?

(Keep in mind this is the girl who is stuck somewhere between recess soccer and recess crushes...and unlike last year, she already knows who she is going to ask to be her Valentine in February...and I know his name too, but I'm sworn to secrecy.)

Gabby:  Just someone.

(Another moment or two of silence...)

Me:  What am I going to do when you like boys more than you like spicy Cheetos?

Gabby:  Mom, that will never happen.

Whew!  Saved by the naiveté of my 6th grader, who thankfully isn't in a huge rush to give up spicy Cheetos.

This story will one day be known as Spicy Cheetos Rock and Boys Drool (a fact that all 6th grade girls know).  It may also be known as Mom's Attempt to Bribe #5,682.

Meanwhile, she's still my Gabby Girl, and a few weeks ago she showed me she wasn't yet too old for a piggy back ride...

I just love this girl.  She brings light and love to every day.  

Pancakes, Pajamas and Prophets

And popcorn.

And sweet rolls, and piles of candy...

That's how we do general conference at our house.

The sweet rolls are a Jarman tradition.

The pancakes are Megan's tradition.

The pajamas are just comfy.

Knowing the heavens are open and God continues to speak to prophets and apostles on the earth today is a gift we can't put into words.

Tim and I both grew up in families where watching or listening to general conference was a family affair.  We've continued that tradition.

But you know us...  We have to make it fun, which is where the piles and piles of candy come into the picture.

And a dry erase board of word lists that changes every session:

Every time they hear a word on the list, they can grab a piece of candy...or two...or three.  It all depends on the word.  

(And of course the candy is always gone by the end of the last session.)

Oh, and there's a story (of course).  Because somehow super powered magnets are on the list of items that help make conference meaningful and memorable.  Ok.  Maybe not meaningful, but at least memorable.

The story:  I'm not sure why a 17 year old would try to put super powered magnets in his nose, but I try not to spend a lot of time trying to guess why 17 year olds do a lot of the things they do.  (I know...  You're running mental scenarios right now trying to figure out what happened.)   The end result was not a trip to Urgent Care, if that's what you're thinking.  But it did result in a trip to the bathroom where Nate somehow removed the magnets himself (while the rest of us were oblivious to any of this).

In other news, Nate also fit 11 atomic fireballs in his mouth at one time when we were trying to get rid of all the candy toward the end of conference.  And he didn't even drool.  (There may have been a few talks toward the end that we should go back and listen to later.)

I'm predicting this story will one day be known as:  How the Jarmans do General Conference.  It may also be known as:  The Day Nate Discovered The Center Membrane of His Nose. 

Oops

Sometimes a picture paints a thousand words.  This story will one day be known as The Day Megan Sat Out Most of the Game.  It may also one day be known as The Day Megan Started Hoping Her Ankle Would Heal Before the Next Game.  I suppose it could also be known as What Not To Do When Fighting For The Ball.  

(The verdict is still out on whether or not she will finish playoffs.  Keep your fingers crossed for her!)